Sunday, December 15, 2013

ITT: New Lena Chen Scholarship (+ AutoAdmit Shoutout)

Date: December 15th, 2013 7:49 AM
Author: Mr. Bulldops


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Date: December 15th, 2013 8:58 AM
Author: Hayden van Persie (Stop bitching and fuckin adapt )

"Where she wrote about her hookups, self-medication with alcohol, recovery from an eating disorder and crushing desire to be liked. All standard stuff for a college student."

Uh, what?


Tags:Lena ChenLena Chen HarvardIvyGate,  Lena ChenLena Chen HarvardLena Chen Berlinchicktionary,Lena Chen
:Lena ChenLena Chen HarvardIvyGate,  Lena ChenLena Chen HarvardLena Chen Berlinthechicktionary,Lena ChenLena Chen interview, Lena Chen

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

fatasses get ITT

Date: October 16th, 2013 6:32 PM
Author: robert b. petumkin

I exercise seven days a week and eat a very healthy diet. I just can't seem to pack on any fat.

How do you guys do it?


Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Oberlin Microaggressions: White guy saying "futbol" is racist

Date: September 25th, 2013 8:43 PM
Author: John Friendly

Short version:

Checking in with Oberlin Microaggressions – a site dedicated to bitching and moaning about ways in which white cis males hurt peoples’ feelings – because it’s been a while. A Latino student received an email about a talk being given for Latino Heritage Month from a white teammate on their co-ed soccer team which read “Hey that talk looks pretty great, but on the off chance you aren’t going or would rather play futbol instead the club team wants to go!!”

Here’s why the Microaggrieved Oberlin student was upset:

Ok. 1. Thanks for you thinking that the talk is “pretty great”. I appreaciate [sic] your white male validation. I see that it isn’t interesting enough for you to actually take your ass to the talk. 2. Who said it was ok for you to say futbol? It’s Latino Heritage Month, your telling people not to come to the talk, but want to use our language? Trick NO! White students appropriating the Spanish language, dropping it in when convenient, never ok. Keep my heritage language out your mouth! If I’m not allowed to speak it, if my dad’s not allowed to speak it, then bitch you definitely are not supposed to be speaking it. Especially in this context.


Full microaggression is here:

Futbol, and WHITE PEOPLE

SO people may have heard of the Arlene Davila speaker event that happened tonight in celebration of Latino Heritage Month. Thanks to all who came out but especially thanks to those who cancelled their intramural soccer games, and Thursday night bong parties to come a support the Latino Community.

Hours before the event I got an email from a member of my soccer team (Pussy Whipped, that has way too many white people on it for me to ever show up again. Aside, I already learned last semester when I failed Co-ed indoor soccer that I would never play soccer with white people when I couldn’t even bear it enough to show up for half a credit (aprox. Worth $1,000)). Anyway, the email said:

“Hey that talk looks pretty great, but on the off chance you aren’t going or would rather play futbol instead the club team wants to go!!”

Ok. 1. Thanks for you thinking that the talk is “pretty great”. I appreaciate your white male validation. I see that it isn’t interesting enough for you to actually take your ass to the talk. 2. Who said it was ok for you to say futbol? It’s Latino Heritage Month, your telling people not to come to the talk, but want to use our language? Trick NO! White students appropriating the Spanish language, dropping it in when convenient, never ok. Keep my heritage language out your mouth! If I’m not allowed to speak it, if my dad’s not allowed to speak it, then bitch you definitely are not supposed to be speaking it. Especially in this context.

So I thought it would be a good moment to tell this guy off, and also get some things off my chest about why I will never show up to intramural again, why during our first game I was completely blown that he was not passing the ball, stealing at the wrong times. Learn how to play like a community member! Why I am being pushed out of another space in Oberlin. I even quit last year too!

So here is what I said:

This email is rude. I organized this talk. Thanks for undermining a good attempt to get people out.

1. Your not latino, call it soccer. You don’t play futbol. Futbol is played with people (LATINO) who know how to engage in community soccer, as somebody who grew up on the cancha (soccer field) I know what playing futbol is, and the way you take up space, steal the ball, don’t pass, is far from how my culture plays ball.

2. I’m not playing intramural once again this semester because you and your cis-dude, non passing the ball, stealing the ball from beginners, spanish-mocking, white cohort has ruined it (for the second time). Unless I find another team you won’t be seeing me.

3. I don’t care if this email is over the top or mean. So complain to whatever white friends you want about it. You’re never going to know what its like to not be able to your own heritage sport comfortably because of your gender/race/ethnicity.

And then I get this long ass email (warning it gets full of white guilt and really boring white liberal shit, so I will highlight the fucked up parts about it)

Heres the Response:

I thought we were somewhat of friends (nope) and thats why I feel I need to respond - but mostly, I’m sorry that I detracted from your event. Do you really think people who were going to go to the talk changed their mind because of my email? I don’t think so, and that was not my aim at all - I wanted to give those people who had been looking forward to playing soccer on Thursday a chance to do that.

You do not get to define who I am. Fuck off. Clearly you only see me at face value and yes I’m white and male, what do you want me to do about that? (LEAVE THE SOCCER TEAM) I have a second family that I have spent a good portion of my life with. My brothers Paco Rafa and Diego my mom Julie my grandmother Margo and my father Arnoldo. Technically their my god-family but for all intensive purposes they are my family, call me their 4th son, and I am extremely close with them. My father came from Costa Rica as a fourteen year old boy, living, working and studying through an education program jointly coordinated by the catholic church and UC Berkeley. My 2nd family is Costa Rican, and I am a part of that family no matter what you say. I’m not claiming to be latino and I don’t think I’ve ever claimed that, but I do have a latino family and you trying to separate me from them, to create distance that doesn’t exist based purely on how you incorrectly perceive me, is terribly offensive.

(WOWWWWWWWW SO YOUR NOT RACIST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A “SECOND” LATINO FAMILY, SECOND! We need to talk about tokenizing brown friends/family and taking them in to identify with POC’s (or avoiding accountability for being racist).

Also, soccer is not a spanish invention and you do not get to claim the sport for yourself. (SORRY DID U SAY FUTBOL OR SOCCER?) For one its an english invention (RIGHT PRAISE THE COLONIZER) and two its the world’s most popular sport played as a lifestyle by more peoples than just latinos. Soccer was the language that allowed me to make friends with people my own age when I studied abroad in Zanzibar. (RACIST)

Your anger with the white male patriarchy is justified, (THANKS!) and the social system of America perpetuates injustice by giving unfair advantages to white people, to wealthy people, and to men. Now i realize I’m getting into your area of study, and not mine (OR MY LIFE), but these systems are perpetuated because of human tendencies to favor people like themselves (ABSOLOUTELY WRONG AND RACIST, WHAT IS COLIANLISM AND WHAT IS CAPITALISM) - and because positions of power in this country are generally held by white males, white males receive huge advantages. Advantages that they do not deserve. Growing up as a white male in this society, I have benefited countless times from these advantages that I did not and do not deserve, but growing up I was generally not even aware that I was gaining an advantage - it was the only reality I knew. This is a question I have truly struggled with through my life - I don’t deserve these advantages, but they exist for me, I never sought them out, I didn’t want them and cant give them away, what am I supposed to do? How can I feel like any of my efforts are the product of my own effort and not simply my unequal social status? This made me very depressed for a time, (WHITE GUILT, TEARS) I didn’t want to do anything because everything I did do was the product of those advantages. (LOL). Eventually I decided, that was almost more disrespectful, to do nothing despite having these advantages. It is a fact that I have those advantages, but I cant let that stop me, I can do a lot of good and use those advantages to do positive things and chip away at that unjust structure. (BUT UR NOT OPEN TO FEEDBACK)

My area of study is Environmental Studies, a field dominated by white males. But also a field whose main work is building equality and dealing with the geo-spatial injustices of our present world. I am going to use what I’ve been given (even if its unfair and unjust - the fact remains that IT IS at least currently, which is all that matters for now) to do the most good for the most people that I possibly can. This sounds absurdly hokey, but honestly that is what motivates me. Would you prefer that I do something else?

Maybe this gives you a little bit more insight into who I am so that you can make more informed judgements.

Again I’m sorry to distract from your event today.

OKOKOKOK. So white people with “brown” associates can’t be racist, or appropriating, or take up space, and make space uncomfortable and unsafe for people of color and women. BASIC. Second, did you once address how you take up to much space and make this space unsafe? Did you once consider leaving this space? I’m glad you’ve recognized your not latino, how hard was that? Did you ever think that you shouldn’t speak or advertise your Spanish because your white. How hard is it to understand when a member of the latino community comes out and says, DO NOT APPROPRIATE AND FETISHIZE OUR LANGUAGE. GET OFF MY CANCHA!

Monday, August 26, 2013

List the STAGES of Shitlibism from its ONSET to END-STAGE

Date: August 26th, 2013 2:13 PM
Author: .,.,...,..,..,:,,:,...,::,.,.,:,.,.:...:.,:.::,.

List the phases of this mental disease


Date: August 26th, 2013 3:11 PM
Author: SR

1. She learns about civil rights movement in grade school. Worries about whether she would have been on the right side. Resolves to always help the poor and downtrodden and make sure to be on the right side of history.

2. She goes to college as a liberal young democrat, proud of her political beliefs. She wants universal health care and supports gay rights. Thinks Obama is pretty great, but reads NYT columns and is starting to worry that he may be a little too cozy with Wall Street and too quick to use Drones.

3. She sits in a college seminar and realizes there are all kinds of instances of oppression and discrimination in the world that she didn't even realize were happening. From rape culture to systemic racism to the capitalist exploitation of the 3rd world, there are so many injustices in the world that she feels bewildered and her head starts to spin. She feels stupid and naive for not recognizing her own privilege and complicity in racism and global oppression and resolves to attempt to make up for these. By this point in her life, being morally superior and on the side of the less advantaged has become part of her self-identity. The sudden realization that she is not so morally superior and that there are causes she wasn't even aware of creates a sort of identity crisis. She takes comfort in the small degree to which she herself is a victim, of rape culture and other threats to modern women, but realizes that her pre-college moral sensitivity was clearly defective.

4. Rather than fashion a new, healthier, self-identity, she resolves to reclaim her moral superiority. She begins informing herself of the various oppressive structures in the world through seminars and teach-ins. Eventually she develops a more complete understanding of the various worthwhile grievances in the world and a command of the lingo necessary for expressing them. She has once again attained a level of moral sensitivity capable of satisfying her self-image.

5. But one can never be secure in one's moral superiority -- especially on a college campus with so many people with similar inner lives, constantly trying to prove their own moral superiority by decrying that of others. She'll never forget the time she helped organize a sit-in for transgendered rights and was challenged by a real life black woman(?) who accused her of being insufficiently attuned to the interests of transwomen of color and promptly led a walk-out of the sit-in for those attuned to the importance of intersectionality in fighting oppression. She learns from this and later finds herself pointing fingers across the seminar table at other alleged allies, castigating them for their own failures of sensitivity. I can't believe you just said that, check your privilege!

6. Really, it all starts to seem a little bit too much. But it's okay. Soon she will be out in the real world where she can finally stop arguing about this stuff and actually do something! She applies for a number of paid positions -- with an AIDs clinic, with a gay rights organization, with a labor union, with a few select democratic congresswomen, with an African relief organization. All rejected. She is depressed, but resolved to carry on and eventually find a way to help in the world.

5. Finally she accepts an unpaid position for a liberal magazine in New York. It isn't going well. They are only having her do bitch-work whereas she had dreams of impressing them with her writing and quickly becoming a columnist. It must be because she is a woman and unfraid to speak her mind. To vent, she starts a feminist blog.

6. As time goes by, she realizes she needs a change. Her parents' patience is growing thin. They can't pay her big city rent forever. She applies for a few more paid nonprofit positions. She is rejected from all of them. Maybe she needs to go back to school. She was comfortable there and, besides, school could help set her up for the kind of job she wants. Maybe a Ph.D? No, her grades weren't really good enough and, besides, she really wants to DO something. Maybe a masters in social work. Yes, that sounds great.

7. But she starts to notice those fashionable women she sees in MFH, laughing on the street outside expensive restaurants she can't afford. It all looks so much fun. But no, she can't give into that... she won't be one of the stupid women with their wall street boyfriends, she is going to devote her life to others and make the world a better place. But, then again, can't she help others AND maybe make enough money for some nice shoes and mixed drinks and an apartment in a fun neighborhood?

8. She applies to law school.

to be continued


Friday, August 9, 2013

rofl @ my lib friends in biglaw: morally bankrupt sellouts

Date: August 9th, 2013 5:45 PM
Author: are city pumo (retired)

age 18: Kerry Edwards!

20: We need to stop global warming!

22: Obama!

24: law school to help people!

26: just need some money for debt!

28: citing case law to justify not cleaning up company's toxic waste in wetland


Sunday, March 24, 2013

Is Taylor Swift our greatest living poet-philosopher?

Date: March 24th, 2013 6:31 PM
Author: phi beta cappuccino (
extra like the olive oil)

Consider her latest album, Red. In it, she discourses on the five traditional branches of philosophy: metaphysics ("Everything Has Changed"), epistemology ("I Knew You Were Trouble"), logic ("Begin Again"), aesthetics ("Sad Beautiful Tragic"), and ethics ("We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together"). But she invigilates these categories ruthlessly in her opus on the futility of human action ("I Almost Do"), her paean to faith against reason ("State of Grace"), and her enigmatic Socratic dialogue on Western decline ("The Last Time", featuring Gary Lightbody of Snow Patrol).

Just as Bob Dylan used his nasal whine to focus our moral attention on the everyday details of life, like race riots and police shootings, Taylor Swift uses her flinty, almost Canadian voice to assure us that her songs are trite morality plays, artifice based in part on a true story. Without either the utopian simplicity of The Eagles or the deceptive audacity of REO Speedwagon, she needs the mask of biographical incident to disguise the disturbing implications of her radical skepticism. Does she believe the world floats on the back of a turtle? Who knows? We'll have to wait for the Playboy interview.

Taylor Swift's artificiality is not unique in pop music. She plays America's fag hag, just as Justin Beiber plays an eternally molested child, right down to his milksop Christianity, and Nicki Minaj confirms every stereotype about transgendered prostitutes from Queens. These archetypes give us a means of confronting the confusion and despair of post-industrial life. We have strangled the last king with the entrails of the last priest, but we still want authority and we still want absolution. Enter Taylor Swift, herself innocent yet confessional, forgiving every deviance yet relentlessly preserving them for the record in surprisingly catchy tunes. She is both Socrates and Diotima, Dante's Beatrice and Milton's Uriel.

So, to answer the question which motivates this poast: is Taylor Swift our greatest living poet-philosopher? No, that's probably Michael Sandel.